I think Matt needs a vacation...

It's a good thing he's taking a few days off. Okay, so here's a little talk about the title of this blog... It hurts to be horizontal - it refers to a statement I made to my friend Karolina one day when we were walking to school. I was saying that I can't really sleep too late because at a certain point my body hurts to be horizontal (it literally aches...). It sucks when your body falls apart... It's not too bad nowadays but some mornings it hurts to move.

On my walk home from school today I was thinking about weather or not exes can be friends. I would really like to think that it is possible if both parties can get past all that weirdness that surrounds you when your fresh off the split. There's a few people in my life I'd like to be friends with...Maybe it will happen someday...

Yes I know who Star JOnes is...

Once again, ONCE AGAIN, I write a brilliant, long, wonderfully humorous, touching, LONG, fantastically witty, blog and ONCE A F**KING AGAIN – it DOESN’T POST.

I have GOT to learn to write these in WORD and cut and paste them.

In short: Note the shortness and not so witty response:

Yes. I know who Star Jones is.

Yes. I know what’s going on.

Yes. I miss you.

And, yes, this website is PISSING ME OFF.

That said: Have a great weekend. Enjoy “Bladerunner” and I will “talk” to you soon.

Love you—
Matt

My Camera of Choice

Is an old Canon Powershot S45. I got it back in 2003. It's 4.0 Megapixels and it can shoot in manual mode as well as take short video clips. Not that I really know how to do all those things, but I COULD figure it out if I wanted to.

I will be home temporarily from July 31st through the 10th of August. You remember, I'm going to be an auntie again - that's why I'm coming home. After that I won't be home until Christmas, then it's only a few short months until I move back home and start looking for a job (will you hire me???). Hopefully I have enough contacts that I might be able to get a few teaching type jobs (experimental college? Community Colleges??). Who knows, maybe I'll have found a rich millionaire by then who will want to support me and I won't have to worry about making a living.

Speaking of camp, the camp I usually counsel at is going on next week and I won't be there. It makes me kind of sad. But there's always next year. Camp is one of those places you can be yourself and important things happen when you're there - like receiving special letters from special friends!!!

I get to work on the 4th! Yee Haw! Tomorrow night we are showing the class Bladerunner.

Okay, is Star Jones just looking like shit??? Do you know who she is??? If you don't that's alright - no big deal. If you don't get a chance of posting later have a good time camping!

Nice Photos

This week is dragging by. Maybe it's because I have Friday off and, thus, Thursday is my Friday. And then I have the 3rd and 4th off for the Holiday and we're going camping and the cat is still missing and well... bleah.

Enough about that. Yes, Jen's photos are great. Pretty darn spectactular actually.

What kind of camera are you using?

How soon until you're home from school Jen.

Blogging back and forth isn't like seeing the other person face to face. Oh well.

Sorry for the whiny blog - it's about all I have in me.

Lemme Read It!

Not that I will stay focused... but I'd like to read it. (The script that is...) I did actually finish a book this summer. I took my students to my studio tonight and they liked my work. At least High School kids like what I do! I'm going to post some groovy photos on jeneratorrant - everybody should take a look.

Writing?

Why, yes, I have been writing. Every lunch hour for the past two weeks (or so) I have been writing a screenplay with a friend.

It was his idea and story. I've been writing the script. I forward him the "chunks", he modifies to fit his vision of the story.

I modify his modifications to make them more in the proper format. He then writes some more and then I write more.

Today, during lunch, I finally pushed out the last 20 pages, or so. We're trying to get the first act done by this Thursday as I'll be out on Friday through Tuesday and want to get the script out there and read and critiqued. Want to read it?

No re-incarnated chickens. But there ARE goats.

So I've been busting a hump on that. Now that it's "done" (is art EVER finished?) it'll be the re-working and re-writing of the dang thing to get it ready for pushing out the door.

Talk to you soon.

Matt

P.S. Trader Joe's sells something similiar to "Flicks" but not in the cardboard tube like I remember.

I've Seen Them...

Flicks that is... I think they sell them at Cost Plus World Market. When I have money maybe I'll pick some up for you. So, besides watching all of these movies are you writing anything? Inquiring minds want to know.

No sign of the cat...

Nope. Coco is still gone.

No. I haven't eaten a Sno Ball in a while. But Michelle got cocoa puffs for her birthday.

Oh, and hey! You CAN FIND SOMEONE. Someone should get off their ass and find you!

Have you seen "Match Point?" You should.

Remeber "Flicks?" Used to buy them in the tube at the movies. I miss 'em.

Coco?

Did you find the cat? I'm just wondering.

Today as I was walking around I thought to myself... "I can find someone" can you believe I actually thought that? Maybe once I start working for Weight Watchers (assuming they want me) I'll find some totally hot guy who was hiding behind a bunch o flesh. Sounds good to me. Hmm.... it would be nice to have someone to rub my feet.

I saw sno balls today that were white.

So...

I never said that I was going to be naked while I was pole dancing... I would have to have some sort of cute costume.... YOU ARE NOT A LOSER... You are a very talented writer who only plays the ROLE of Legal Records Supervisor.

Talking about Sno-Balls I had some within the past year, they're not as good as they used to be. They come in different colors depending on the time of the year. Most often they are pink or white, but around Halloween they are orange and I think I've seen red or green around Christmas.

Speaking of Holidays, I was filling out a survey this afternoon and it asked for my favorite holiday. It took me a long time to chose, I decided that Easter was my favorite because I get to sing my favorite hymn (Christ the Lord is Risen Today). I'm not particularly fond of Thanksgiving because I have to spend time with my family (not that that's bad - but too much is too much), Christmas has never been a particularly good time because being single during the holidays sucks. You are always reminded by the commercials, television specials, and advertisements. Fourth of July - God Bless America... Whatever, it's just another excuse to get drunk. Then you got Veterans Day, President's Day, Columbus Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, St. Patricks Day (is that a holiday?).... What's left? EASTER! Good ol Jesus rising from the dead and leaving the empty tomb. Oh, not to mention the Easter Candy left by Mr. Easter Bunny!

Oh, and don't even get me started on Valentine's Day!

Cat Still Missing...

Another VENT. I HATE when I write a long, thought out, blog only to have the system either go: "Server Not Found" or some such crap or have it just go away. That PISSES ME OFF.

And, of course, surprisingly, I can't cut and paste what I've written. I can probably write this in WORD and THEN cut and paste - but who wants to do that?!

So, let me see if I remember what I just wrote before the piece of crap decided to say: "Server not found!"

First, Cat is still missing. Heavy sigh. Not much we can do now, but to wait and wonder.

Jen's admission that she's willing to pole/lap/floor dance while naked or wearing next to nothing - proves once again that she's the perfect woman (who is single). C'mon guys! Let's go. You're letting a good thing slip away.

Didn't get the DLA Piper job. Not that I wanted it, either - but still. I'M A LOSER! I can't get a job I'm overqualified for and my cat has run away from me. Oh well.

Enough venting.

Hey! When was the last time you had a "sno ball?" You know those pastries (if you can call them that) covered with coconutty type shreddings. Did they come in both Pink and White or just Pink.

Testing...

Testing... Is this working?

Cat still missing...

Heavy SIGH. Oh well. Who knows. Not much we can do.

I am encouraged by your admission that you would be willing to Pole/Lap/Floor dance either naked or wearing nearly nothing. Proving, once again, that you're the perfect woman.

Did not get the job at DLA Piper. Bastards! They never contacted me. FUCKING BASTARDS! I'm a loser! Even my cat doesn't want to come home...

Okay, enough venting.

Hey, when was the last time you had a "sno ball" - you know, those coconutty covered pastries made by Hostess. Did they come in Pink and White? Or just pink?

If I Were Doing the Dancing...

I'd be doing and a pole dance and I wouldn't need to practice because of my freakishly strong upper body strength. Additionally my many years of dance at Sheila Clark School of Dance has given me rhythm and grace you wouldn't believe.

I hope you find Coco one way or the other. Keep me updated...

Missing Cat

Hey Jen,

Sorry I haven't written. A couple reasons why (and yes, they are excuses). 1. Work has gotten busy. 2. Our cat Coco has either run away, been hit by a car, or is locked away some where as she has been missing for 36 hours now. 3. I'm busy writing a screenplay during my lunch and trying to keep up with my other blog.

Maybe I should install a pole.

Okay, here's a question. If you dated a guy and he wanted you to do a pole dance or a lap dance, would you do it? Would you practice first?

Matt Must be Dead

Post something loser! I'm sorry - but I'm feeling un-loved......

Pole Dancing

Your comment about Miriam giving you a lap dance reminds me of an episode of the King of Queens. Doug tries to get Carrie to start pole dancing and has a pole installed in their bedroom. When she starts to do it she is really awful at it and Doug has to show her how.

I think it would be funny if you had to show Miriam how to do a lap dance.

I'm sorry I don't have much to say but my brain is mush.

Body Adornment and Butt Floss

I'm for both.

I saw on Netflix that, coming out this week is, how to dance like an erotic dancer (with bunchs o' nudity). I can tell you this: If Miriam was to approach me with a "lap dance" or a "floor dance" I would probably laugh my butt off.

When we're at "Debbie's Roadhouse" and enjoying the tunes...that's one thing. But to have her shake and shimmy up to me in the privacy of my own home. I don't believe it will ever, EVER, happen. And, if it did? I would laugh.

I Just Want To Be Friends...

That's true... Have you actually ever been friends with someone who has said this to you? Maybe an ex of some sort... I don't know if you really can be friends. I think in some cases its just easier to not be. It's good I'm on the wagon again. This sort of philosophical waxing is making me want to drink away my sorrows... But I digress.

I posted my question about hurtful statements on Craigslist. I got a strange response... It was from a woman whose husband told her that she always acted like a man (because she peed standing up - I think it had something to do with childbirth/bladder issues...). She wants me to call her because she has more statements... I might email her instead. I might just open a can of worms though.

Any more thoughts on body adornment or butt floss?

Hurtful Statements

Probably the worst - is one that is given with a sad wistful smile: "I just want to be friends."

You see, it's not just six words, what it is a definition that you suck. You're not loved. You're barely even liked. It's a kiss off meant to help you land safely - but instead of a parachute - it's more like Wily Coyote's anvil. Why?

Because they really DON'T want to be friends. Friends means you do things. Friends mean you hang out. Friends means you talk on the phone and gossip and hang out after class. Sometimes you go to movies, other times you cry on each others shoulders. But this means: "I don't want to see you ever ever again." And that hurts.

What else? I'll have to think about it.

Research for project.

Okay Matt, I am currently etching quotes on mirrors of things that people have said to me that have hurt my feelings. For example there's one that says "I'm sorry but I'm not going to sleep with you." one that says "Maybe if you lost a bit of weight you'd smile more often." etc. I am hoping to solicit comments from other people. If you could spread the word that would be great. I may not use them, but it might be interesting to see what other people have had said to them that have scarred them deeply. I suppose people could post a comment on the blog. Is there anything that's been said to you that brought you crashing to the floor?

Target.

Who is going to even notice that I'm taking photo's? It's not like I've brought in lighting and props. (well at least not to take pictures of myself...).

Additional Comments

Well, I'm sure you have a fine ass - jiggly or not - that a number of people would like to see. So there.

As for Target, I would think they would think it kind of weird someone taking pictures in the dressing room. What are they taking pictures OF? Are they putting the camera under the cubicle next to them? Are these photos going on the internet (and, well, they did).

So, yeah, weird.

Thong Underwear...

Okay, so my ass is almost 40 years old and it's seen better days. I know that there are big fans of thong underwear but I am not one of them.

My reasons? 1. If I'm going to stick anything up my ass it's not going to be fabric. 2. I figure if I don't want panty lines I will just go commando (although you risk zipping up things you don't want to!) it's easier than trying to pull something out of your crack that's just going to go back in it.

Since my ass is a bit jiggly I need help anywhere I can get it (ie Spandex). I am not likely to let it all hang out (at least not in public).

Why would they have kicked me out of Target?

The whole tongue piercing thing... I don't have an opinion. Well, actually I don't care.

Kiss Kiss, Hug Hug!
J

Tongue Piercings

What's the point?

When I see a person with a pierced tongue I automatically assume they like to perform oral sex (it's just like I assume women who smoke are better at oral sex then women who don't smoke - seems logical - doesn't it).

Why do I think this?

Look at the logical question:

Why pierce your tongue?

1. Variety? Not. First, most piercings are on the outside of the body to enhance ears, nose, lips, nipples, etc. Adornments. My wife has DOZENS of earrings. When I see a tongue pierced, it's usually a stud thingy. That's it. Can't really change it. If you can't really change it - what's the point of having it?

2. It's hidden. Most of the time I see someone with a pierced tongue I go: "Is their tongue pierced?" Then I pay closer attention and finally get a glimpse of metal and think: "Ah, yeah, it's pierced." So why get something pierced if it's hidden all the time?

3. It's bad for your teeth. I have had repeated conversations with a dentist friend who says that having a pierced tongue is VERY bad for your teeth. It cracks the enamel and can do all sorts of damage. Why get something that can do damage TO YOUR MOUTH - if you can't show it off or change it that often?

Logical reasoning? It's for oral sex enhancement.

I'm not saying that's a BAD thing, I'm just saying that's what I assume when I see someone with their tongue pierced (and gosh - lucky for the man or woman dating them).

Thong Undewear

Okay, Jen, I just saw your Target photos. I'm surprised you didn't get kicked out.

Here's the question (and you can abstain from answering): Do you wear thong underwear?

This is why I like thong underwear:

1. First and foremost. I can only assume that thong underwear is NOT that comfortable (but I've been told that you get used to it pretty quickly and you don't even realize it's crawling up your ass). That being said, if it's NOT comfortable, it's worn to enhance your ass.

2. If it's worn to enhance your ass, my assumption is then that the person feels comfortable enough about their body to say to themselves: "I have a nice ass to the point where I'm willing to wear something that is uncomfortable to show it off." That acceptance of one's body - to me at least - is a big turn on.

3. Fabric/skin - fabric/skin. There's something kind of exciting when you see someone walking down the street and you know there's just a bit of fabric between the person's nice butt and the outside world. Same logic behind a bathing suit.

Thoughts?

Next: Tongue piercings...

The Steve Factor....

Too bad we can't talk about the Steve Factor. It sort of along the lines of the drinking and dialing debate... we can't really talk about it. Too bad.

Can we just talk about Steve in general?

I watched Hurly Burly last night, it wasn't so good... blah blah blah. That's a line from the movie, well actually they say it all the time and it sounds forced... Sean Penn and Kevin Spacey are in it... they are both pretty hot. Well, I suppose almost anyone is hot to me as long as they are clean and brush their teeth regularly.

My apologies...

The previous blog was to be on my other blog:

Randomness

Found at: http://wipeyourfeetonthematt.blogspot.com

For more similar type commentaries about the state of film in America - feel free to visit.

Violence sucked...

I was told a long time ago to see "A History of Violence" along with watching a number of films I need to get off my sorry ass and watch. So you'll see more capsule reviews of more modern films interspersed with my normal collection of Public Domain dreck (with the occiasional diamond).

Here's what I didn't like about "Violence." First, we all have a past. We all have things in our past that we may, well, not want others to find out. So Tom Stall has a past. A past where he killed people.

Well, if you don't know the story - his past comes back to haunt him (in the guise of Ed Harris - with one eye).

The first issue I have with the film is this: Tom has a son. Step son? Not? I don't know. Well, he's picked on by the school bully. When Tom's son makes the final out in a game against that bully - it's the impetus for the bully to kick his ass. Well, the problem that I had, was that the bully is all over the son like: "Oh, so you had to be Mr. big shot and catch the ball!" Uh, the guy didn't do anything. I mean, the ball almost LITERALLY falls into his glove and he catches it. Now, MAYBE THAT'S THE POINT is that the boy DIDN'T do anything. But it sure would have been far more interesting and far better to have the son make SOME sort of effort to catch the ball.

After a botched robbery, Tom Stall shoots and kills the two robbers. He hits the first robber with a glass pitcher, causing him to drop his gun. Seeing the gun, Tom grabs the gun, shoots the other guy and then shoots the dropper in the head after he has stabbed him in the foot.

Soon after Ed Harris asks Tom's wife: "How did he get so good a killing?" Excuse me? The guy defended himself as I think I or anyone would have. He didn't do anything out of the realm of possibility (like you're going to see later). He didn't use a specific kung-fu neck-breaking move only used by trained Mafia Hit-Men.

And, finally, another reason why this movie sucked. After all the truth is coming out, the wife is all pissed at him and they get in a fight. Her smacking him, he choking her. As she tries to get away, he grabs her by the ankle and she kicks at him and she tries to get up the stairs - with him choking her some more. Then he forces himself on her but she's "willing" and they have some really hot and heavy sex on the stairs. Is it rape? Is it consenual? Is it disturbing? Oh, yeah, foreplay's great when you're choking your wife. Followed almost immediately by a completely un-neccessary full frontal nude shot of the wife.

Finally, in the climax, even though he's been out of the "business" for - at the very least - 17 years (that's if he got his wife pregnant on their wedding day - or before or...) - he's still able to go "Jackie Chan" on the guys sent to kill him. And hardly misses a beat.

Basically, a film that didn't add up to a hill of beans.

"Jack, I swear..."

Was the last line.

So... You're back on the wagon. Did you meet up with anyone? Get a chance "snuggle?"

What happened at the party? Huh, huh, HUH?

Any nudity involved....

I'm curious.

Hey, the "Steve Factor" came into play Friday night. We won't bother to explain to people what that is. Let's just leave it as something 'tween you and I. 'K?

Saddle Up!

It's time for me to get back up on the wagon. I went to a birthday party last night which was fun but I had too much punch to drink. Now it's time for me to settle down once again and get back on track.

At least...

I'm usually in control of my basic bodily functions. I haven't actually hurled from drinking since my friend Debbie's 27th birthday... that's been over 10 years so I guess I'm doing pretty well.

I was reading your response to Brokeback Mountain. What was the last line? I forget.

Addendum to note

It's a good time to stop drinking when:

a. You've run out of money to buy beer

b. You've fallen face down in your own vomit

c. Someone has to help you do things you've been doing since you were a baby, like breathe, pee and poop.

Note To Self...

Stop buying beer. I have no switch in my head that tells me when it's a good time to stop drinking.

Kevin James is ...

An IPS delivery man... it's totally different, but he is kind of cute. I suppose if some man is wearing those sexy brown shorts and giving me a "package".. I'd say yes no matter what he wanted.

As for Ramon; can we change his name? I don't like Ramon. How about Eduardo? I like that a bit better. He is found out to be in the country illegally and President Bush comes in on his big-ass heifer and deports his cute little ass back to wherever he came from. I guess that it is 1985 so - who in the hell was president back then? Reagan? Oy vey....

I got paid today and I bought some beer... I'm going to have one! Maybe I'll think of something interesting to happen to me in my screenplay....

Ooops

I tried to blog yesterday - but it wouldn't allow me. Different errors this time...go figure.

As for UPS men. I think I'll go for the easy joke and say it's about their "package" that women are most interested in.

Look at it this way. A man comes to your house to give you something that you want. Says very few words and drives away. What woman WOULDN'T want to find that attractive. I think on a "scale of 1 to 10" he's already been spoted a 5 just for his job.

Do you think "King of Queens" Kevin James is the "handsome UPS type" of guy? Haven't seen the show - but I think he plays one.

There's also the sexy shorts, too.

What happens after you have hot back-seat sex with Ramon? Does he get deported?

Obsession Songs Part Two

There's Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge, Possession by Sarah Mclachlan and I'm sure there has to be at least a few good Depeche Mode songs about obsession.

Changing the subject once again. Why is it that the majority of UPS delivery drivers are extremely good looking? I can honestly say that I have only ever seen a few that were "average". Any thoughts Matt?

I'm back...

Sorry, I took a couple days off. Easier to me to blog from work than from home. Also, I had jury duty yesterday - but not today. Almost up for a 2nd Degree Murder Trial. Didn't get picked though... Am I less of a person?

Songs about obsession? I can't think of one off the top of my head. "Jennifer" by the Eurythimics (great song - performed wonderfully at Bumbershoot - soon after my break-up from my "Jennifer" - Jenny - who dumped me at my prom - BITCH! - oh, sorry...).

What about, what's that 80's song: "Human?" You know with the lyric (spoken - not sang: While you were gone, I was human, too.) That is, obviously, about someone sleeping with someone else - but that doesn't necessarily border on obession - right?

Jen-- Your life is a fascination amalgamation of a reality of artistic and passionate proportions. And what we find boring, we'll make exciting.

Scene three: Jen's first sexual experience. It was with Ramon, the 17 year old exchange student from Brazil who - though professing to be a virgin, had a tongue that could peel a grape. It was in the back of your Dad's Dodge Dart - the one with the flat and propped up on a cinder-block. With the "for sale - make best offer" sign on the window.

The sex was wonderful, magical, sticky - but who cares - you were selling the damn thing anyway.

Okay, maybe I've gone from "Exciting" to "Soft Core" but you get the drift...

Matt Must be Busy Today... Or Dead.

I guess I'll just wait to hear from him...

Okay - Matt, I've been thinking of compiling a list of good songs dealing with obsessions. There's the obvious "Obsession" by Animotion... Missing by Everything but the Girl... I need more. Help me.

The Next Scene in my Movie.

I'm drawing a blank... maybe I'm not that interesting after all?

I was reading your blog yesterday and saw that you joined Netflicks. That's one of the things that I gave up when I got into grad school. Netflicks, cable, and liquor. Not that I was a big consumer of alcohol but you know, I like to have a few beers every once in a while. No more though, I can't afford it.
Maybe I'll take a nap now.

First Of All...

It wasn't the UW campus - it was the CWU campus. Most likely you get a different response from people in Ellensburg than you do in Seattle.

Next - I suppose it's alright that people know that my mom showed me an adult film when I was in the sixth grade... maybe you should call her and ask her though.

I'm all for boys making out too.

Jen's movie...

Since Jen has taken my screenwriting class - she knows the first thing we need to do is define Jen's life into a 3 act structure and determine the conflict (if any).

Every good movie starts with a "hook." I don't know when, exactly, Jen skateboarded across the UW campus screaming about needing a baby - but we'll start with that as the opening scene.

Then a flashback to her mother talking to her and her sisters about sex (seems logical) and then allowing them to watch an adult film.

If we don't have the audienced hooked by then - well - we'll put in some random shots of Andrew McCarthy making out with Judd Nelson - or something....

So, we've got the first two scenes:

1. (hook) Skateboarding Jen.

2. Porn with Mom!

What's the next scene?

Good Morning Matt.

I've been thinking you should write a screenplay about me. I think I'm fascinating. The only drawback is that all the dirt would come out. Not that there's a lot, but then people might have a tarnished image of me... like the time when I skateboarded across the campus of Central Washington University screaming at the top of my lungs that I wanted to have a baby. I guess I started having that maternal feeling all the way back in the 80's. Oh I miss the 80's sort of.. the music the fashion.



What do you miss about the 80's? I also miss John Hughes movies and Oingo Boingo...

Another Thing to Not Talk About.

Beastiality - not that I would want to talk about that.

I don't have sexual fantasies. I would just like to get some sometime. It's been a long, long, long time...

Morning...

Yikes. I'm trying to figure out how best to talk to my boss about a raise. Will he go for it? Will he tell me to go to hell? I have the support of my firm-wide boss and I have the support from the head of HR in the Seattle Office... But Chris is Chris is Chris and he'll do/evaluate/figure out whatever it is he chooses. Which sucks.

What else would we like to talk about - but aren't able:

1. Matt should not talk abou the lack of sex he's getting at home

but...

2. Jen should talk about the lack of sex she's getting over all.

3. Sexual fantasies (we probably shouldn't talk about those)

Too much time on my hands.

If I had more of a life I wouldn't be posting so much. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a family that kept me REALLY BUSY so I wouldn't have so much time to think about my life. Then again I suppose if I had a family I would never have time to myself and would yearn for the days of my single-ness.

I tried to install the code for our counter somewhere else on the template but I ended up with the saying "code corrupted. Insert fresh copy". Now I have to figure out how to get rid of it. I really enjoy technology but have no patience in learning how to control it.