Anniversary Gripe

In response to your entry - yes, lots going on with the script - but will talk about it later, right now I have a GRIPE!

I went down to Hallmark Cards today to buy an Anniversary Card. You see, it's my 20th Anniversary tomorrow and I feel it is necessary (and expected) to buy an Anniversary Card.

This is my gripe.

First! My wife is not my friend, or even my BEST friend. My Best Friend is the person I complain to about my wife! Wives are WELL BEYOND friends. They're in a completely different category. My friends don't have to see me sitting on the toilet or shaving my back hair, but they also don't have really hot romantic monkey sex with me.

Second! Why are all the cards about ME? Like: "You've taught me about love." or "You've made me so happy." or "You complete me." What the F**K? Okay. No one "completes me." I'm not some jigsaw puzzle missing a piece that you suddenly fill when you said "I Will" at the altar. And why is it ALWAYS about me? Just once I would like to see a card that says: "I love you. I want to make YOU happy. I want to show YOU the world that I see. I want to take YOU to heights that you have never been to. I want to prove to YOU how much I love YOU by being there for YOU when you need a hand to hold, or a kiss on the cheek." Huh? Where ARE THESE CARDS?

Third! How expensive IS paper!? You mean to tell me that a card on plain cardstock with some pretty picture costs me $3.99? How much did it cost for Hallmark to hire some hack to come up with five sentences of love poetry only to slap it onto a card in a 14 pt. font. 10 cents? 5 cents? Sure as heck not the $3.99

That being said, I hope to have a wonderful anniversary tomorrow. I love my wife and, I assume, she loves me.

Ahhhh, love...